There are some incredible people in the Ironman community, some striving for that elusive Finisher’s Medal, some striving to overcome personal challenges and some racing to remember loved ones. I would like to introduce you to a very special person, Robyn Staessen, somebody who my wife Michelle and I have encouraged over the past year, somebody who we find so incredibly brave and somebody who I believe will inspire many with her attitude, as she picked up the Baton from her late husband Kevin and returned to #IMSA70.3 a year later in his Honour.
“The choice was mine; I could let life get the better of me or I could get the better of my life…I chose the latter.”- Robyn Staessen ![1781930_10202883297345044_1256033868_n[3]](https://ironmansadotcom.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/1781930_10202883297345044_1256033868_n3.jpg?w=300&h=224)
“In Life we are faced with many choices and the way we respond to these choices will ultimately determine or shape our future. I have faced many obstacles in my life and my biggest was the passing of my Stepson Reece some 10 years ago, which initiated my Ironman Journey and what an incredible Journey it has been.”-Alec Riddle
My Ironman Journey has taught me so much about Life, it has opened my mind and expanded my horizons, meeting so many fascinating people and realising that in every person there is a Hero to somebody, that every person has a Story, a Goal, a Dream, a Purpose
For those who are unaware, last year’s 70.3 was dampened by the tragic deaths of Berton Bosman and Kevin Staessen. Both were young men, with young families and Kevin’s wife Robyn was at Orient Beach for the start of that tragic 2013 race and returned this year to race in his honour. (Friends and family of Berton Bosman had a Memorial Swim for Berton on the Saturday morning at 09h00)
I encouraged Robyn to share her story and although Michelle and I had an idea of what she has gone through, nothing could quite prepare us for this amazing story of courage, of love, of fortitude…. I am sure that Robyn, unknowingly is building a Legacy that will inspire many to approach life through different eyes .
This is such an inspirational story and I would encourage you to read how Robyn overcame her emotions on the beach prior to the start before willing herself on to the finish line through doubts, tears and smiles.
“Kevin, I’m sitting on the bench overlooking the ocean…the same place we sat together on Saturday night discussing your race & our plans. My heart is sore, my mind is confused. I pray that somehow you will be my guide and pillar of strength in all that lies ahead. Stefan has dedicated his race to you. You are MY IRONMAN & your baby girl will grow up knowing all that you lived for and dreamed of! I love you always” xxx Robyn’s Facebook post written on the Sunday night 20 January 2013.
That Fateful Day: 20 January 2013– It was a day I can recall with clarity but at the same time a day I wish had ended so differently! If there was anything ‘perfect’ about January 2013 it was the way the events played out… We were in East London with friends and family for what was to be Kevin’s first Ironman 70.3, Kevin’s parents had joined us on this little adventure. Kevin had also entered full Ironman in April that same year. He often said to me “2013 is my year” which looking back now seems a little too ironic! The night before race day Kevin had asked that we have dinner with just our family. My in-laws, Kevin, Erin and myself went to Guido’s family restaurant on the beach front for dinner. We had a lovely evening together and Kevin had spent most of his time in the kiddies play area with Erin. We then walked back to our hotel, Kevin with Erin on his shoulders playing the fool.
- The late Kevin Staessen with little Erin January 2013
(my photo of Kev and Erin is the last one I have of the 2 of them) We bathed Erin, gave her her bottle, said our goodnights and left her with Kevin’s Parents Marleen and Guido.
I, for some reason, did not want to go straight to our room and had asked Kevin if we could get chocolate and sit at the beach. And so we did, chocolate in hand we went and found a bench overlooking the beach and sat together chatting. Kevin had mentioned an article that he had read a few times and wanted me to read it. He handed over his phone and I began reading the 4 page article…How to reach the finish line at the Buffalo City 70.3 – by guest blogger Richard Wright. The article focused mainly on pacing yourself, focusing on your own race and your own strategy. We spoke about the next morning and what needed to be done.
Race day dawned, we were up early and off to transition for final checks. Kevin’s parents were to meet us at transition a little after race start with Erin. I joined Kevin on the beach, watched as he had a warm up swim, stood with him for the anthem and then gave him a hug and kiss and wished him luck as he headed to the start.
I had sms’d Kevin’s race number so that I could track him on the day. I was standing near the swim exit waiting to see him out of the water. All of a sudden there was a rush of people in all directions – paramedics, race personnel and on lookers. A boat was exiting the water and I had a sinking feeling. I knew deep inside who was on that boat. I was torn between going to confirm what I feared or to continue standing and watching in hope for Kevin to run past me. I kept an eye on that boat, and then the stretcher, until I could no longer see it. As time passed I feared that my feeling was right, I raced up to transition to see if Kevin’s bike was still there and that was when I got the phone call…
A lady on the other end said I was needed in the medical tent and that it was urgent. My heart sank; I spotted my in-laws a little up the way with my daughter Erin and had to break the news to them. They had already lost one son, 5years and 1 week to the day, and now Kevin was critical. I knew where the medical tent was but somehow getting there took forever. I was greeted by Keith Bowler who said that Kevin was not good but he assured me that the best team of doctors was working on him. I was not allowed to see him as both Kevin and Berton were in the tent at this point. The waiting seemed like forever before we were told that they were going to wheel him past us and take him to hospital. The emotions were roaring yet everything seemed so controlled. As Kevin went passed me I remember him looking so peaceful and saying to him “Kevin you are a fighter don’t give up” The medics then arranged a police escort for us to the hospital where again we waited and were not allowed to see Kevin. Erin finally fell asleep in a hospital cot. Marleen and I made numerous phone calls to family and friends filling them in. My sister in law was arranging a flight to join us in East London as were my parents. Time seemed to drag, it had been the longest 3 hours of my life! The doctor came in to break the news that Kevin had not made it. I collapsed crying and wondering what next? Things happening around me seemed to be blurred. Once again I made phone calls, planned, organized and put in place everything that I could. I went into over drive and one thing followed another. A little while later I was fetching Kevin’s bike and bags from transition. They had already been moved into a large container at the back, the reality that his race was over hit hard. The staff at the Regent Premier Hotel was phenomenal with their hospitality. We spent the rest of Sunday in one of their conference rooms making all the necessary arrangements for what lay ahead. Emotions ran high, everyone was up and down, phones rang, people visited and Erin crawled and played almost oblivious to what was happening around her, or so it seemed. I recall sitting on the floor crying when Erin came over to me and wiped my eyes, such a precious moment amongst the chaos.
The next day after breakfast we headed back to the house in Cefani where we had been staying. Things needed to be packed and sorted ready for our drive home on the Tuesday. By the time we had supper that night, listening to the Cat Stevens cd that Kevin and I had played all weekend, I had his funeral all planned in my mind. I knew exactly what I wanted and what he would have wanted me to do. It was too be a celebration of his life high lighting the positive attitude with which he embraced all that he faced. Kevin lived a life of love and laughter, with no regrets. He faced challenges head on, fought for what he believed in made sure he had tried all that he could in order to obtain the best results all round. Erin and I were everything to Kevin, so much so that he would come home to bath and feed her so that he did not miss out before heading off to training in the weeks leading up to 70.3! Kevin was a special man, a special husband and an extra special daddy. I was not sure how life would go on without him, all I knew was that life had to go on in some way. Family and friends offered support where ever they could. On the 29th January 2013 when we came together to celebrate Kevin’s life it was evident how much of an impact this man had had on others. Over 500 people filled the church in his honour.
On that very day in January 2013 I believed that Kevin’s passing had happened in the best possible way – he went doing something that he loved and was in a place that he wanted to be. He had given me the honour of having his child, being called his wife and most importantly I was his best friend with whom he shared so much. In the short time that Kevin and I shared together we achieved so much, travelled, trained, partied, sang and danced as best we knew how. Life was about having fun. I promised Kevin that I would continue to live in his honour and keep his legacy alive…
The road ahead was a bumpy one; I had good days and bad days. Days I knew how to deal with and days I wished the ground would swallow me up. People told me it would get easier, God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle and you’ll be ok. Ok? Easier? They spoke as if they had done it all before. I did not want to be this person; I wanted Kevin back and I would have changed it all in a heartbeat! As time passed I came to accept what had happened, I knew that life had to go on for Erin’s sake and my own. I had made a promise to Kevin and it was time to live this promise! The support slowly dwindled, the messages and calls became less yet I became stronger. I faced each day with my head held high and a positive attitude. Kevin was my reason, my motivation and my inspiration to live the life he wanted me to…a fun-filled and happy one.
Emotions on the beach prior to the 2014 Race
Walking onto the beach for a warm up swim on Friday morning was when it all came back to me. The events of that fateful morning played over in my mind and I could see it all as clear as day. Alan Leicester, from Alderson Ambulances, met us there and that was when the tears flowed. Jason and himself had worked on Kevin back in 2013 and have travelled most of this journey with me. I had the pleasure of meeting them in PE in April 2013 and from there our friendship has grown.
Once I had completed the warm up swim my emotions settled and I was ready. We came back for the swim session on the Saturday too and all that was left after that was the race itself. Saturday night I was calm, at peace and ready for what lay ahead. ![75884_10152275792433474_224497989_n[1]](https://ironmansadotcom.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/75884_10152275792433474_224497989_n1.jpg?w=300&h=300)
I was not nervous at all; it felt almost as if Sunday was just another training session including a swim, a cycle and a run! I knew I had prepared well and was fit. Kevin would be proud of what I was doing and would be with me all the way, guiding me and protecting me.
IRONMAN 70.3 – My Fairy Tale Race
It was an amazing weekend of achievement in so many ways, something I have worked hard for over the past year. After the events of Ironman 70.3 in January 2013 life as I knew it had changed …losing a loved one is not something you ever dream of and losing my husband after such a short time was certainly a shock!
I made a conscious decision that very day that I would live to honour Kevin. He was a loving husband, father, son and brother who lived life without regrets. He believed in having fun and going out to achieve his goals.
Kevin set out to achieve his goal of 70.3 in 2013 and sadly did not make it. I couldn’t think of a better way to honour him than to take on the challenge myself. Supporting a friend, Andrew Bowker, at full Ironman in PE 2013 was where my challenge started…
Lots needed to happen – I needed a bike, I needed to start riding and taking running seriously, swimming was my strength. My friends (and coaches) Andrew and Paola Bowker agreed to help me and support me along the way, they too were entering 70.3 2014. I have come a long way from my very first ride in August 2013 which totalled 20km. The training came with its’ challenges, being a single working parent I had to rely hugely on my family and friends for babysitting my daughter Erin Rose on numerous occasions. And at times the indoor trainer was my only option once Erin had gone to bed.
My first real triathlon was Global 11 at Sun city in November 2013, my first cycling race was the 94.7 Momentum Cycle Challenge and the first time I ran 23km was out in the Cradle on a Sunday morning training run in early January 2014! After this I knew I could do the distances, but could I do all 3 on the same day, one after the other?
Returning to East London was a roller coaster of emotions but my focus was always on completing the race. The warm up swims on Friday and Saturday settled the nerves and I was feeling good. Registration and bike check in felt normal, as if I’d done it all before. The night before the big day was a good one, I felt ready for what I was to face on Sunday.
Sunday morning arrived, still feeling good we headed to Orient beach where it was all about to unfold …my Fairy Tale race was starting. Family and friends were with me every step of the way, we said our good byes, they wished me luck and off I went. The gun signalled the start of wave 7 and I waited patiently for the other ladies to get started before I made my way in to the swim. The conditions were perfect – not too cold and the sea was calm. I had a good swim, took it easy and reminded myself to take it one stroke at a time.
Robyn finishes the 1.9km swim
I exited the swim with a smile on my face as I heard the cheers from my supporters; I had made it one step further than Kevin. Relief, happiness, sadness and contentment were among the emotions I experienced. Transition was a chance for me to catch my breath, stay calm and prepare for the bike.
Onto the Bike
I knew the route was tough but I did not know how tough until I was on it! The hills kept coming and the wind kept blowing but something inside of me kept me going all through the 90.1kms. It was a lonely ride at times and when the rain came down I wished the end would come quickly, I just wanted to get off my bike and get finished. Coming back down the Esplanade to transition hearing the cheers of my supporters once again triggered many emotions. I fought hard to keep back the tears; I knew I was almost there. Heading out onto the run the legs were feeling good and my aim was to complete the 21.1kms with as little walking as possible. To my surprise I did just that walking only after 10kms at a water point and also a small section of Bunkers on my 2nd lap. The support along my run kept me going and with only 2kms left Paola Bowker came back out onto the route to cheer me on as I headed for the red carpet in completing my first Ironman 70.3!
It was an amazing race and the feeling of having achieved my goal in a time of 6:50:02 left me speechless! I will be back for more of 70.3 East London in years to come. ![46853_10153762058290175_1207820698_n[1]](https://ironmansadotcom.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/46853_10153762058290175_1207820698_n1.jpg?w=225&h=300)
I hope that through my journey I can continue to encourage and inspire others to make that decision to follow their dream. Anything is possible if you want it badly enough and are prepared to make the changes no matter how big or small it may seem. Each of us has what it takes, some of us just need to dig a little deeper when the going gets tough and it seems the odds are against us!
So many people have supported me along the way but a special mention must go to the following people…my good friends Paola and Andrew Bowker; Alan and Jason Leicester from Alderson Ambulances and Alec Riddle a fellow athlete and friend. Xxx ![1560493_10202883296145014_1794160081_n[1]](https://ironmansadotcom.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/1560493_10202883296145014_1794160081_n1.jpg?w=300&h=224)
The Ironman Movement
The Ironman family has been phenomenal; I was just a stranger to them until last year. Since then I have become a part of it all in so many ways. Keith and Paul flew to Joburg to offer support at Kevin’s funeral bringing with them a wreath to be laid for Kevin on behalf of Ironman. Alec paid tribute to Kevin (and Berton) in an article that could not have been worded better. We have all kept in contact over the past year and the support has kept me going.
Robyn at Irongirl April 2013
Being a part of Ironman 70.3 this year was so special for me. (Robyn also participated in Irongirl with Paola at IM 2013).
I did not realise until race day what an inspiration I was to all of them and what it meant to have me there. The love and support shown throughout the race, at the finish line and at the awards dinner was touching. They congratulated me on my achievement and assured me that Kevin in no way would be forgotten by them.
The Finish Line experience
Running onto the red carpet was the cherry on top!
Looking to the Heavens Robyn follows IM4Kidz co-founder Garth Wright over the Finish Line
A journey that Kevin and I had started a year ago had been completed. I don’t think the reality of it all had sunk in until I had in fact crossed over the bridge to my family and friends. There were smiles, tears, sighs of relief, hugs and kisses all round. I had achieved what I set out to do and I had gone one step further for Kevin.
A quote Robyn found on Kev’s Facebook page some time ago but cannot remember who wrote it… “What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch, we may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget”. Rest in Peace Kev…
Our final goodbye
Our final good bye and tribute to Kevin happened on the beach alongside the pier. I had decided a year ago that this is where I wanted Kevin to be set free. We both had a love for water and it seems this has been carried through with Erin. She always loved bath time with her dad, playing in the pool and at the beach. The weather played its part, the water was calm and the rain held off. Alan had arranged for a boat to take us out to sea. Family, friends and colleagues stood on the beach and watched as myself, Erin and Phillip (Kevin’s best friend) took his ashes and the Ironman wreath to sea. Later the same boat took Kevin’s mom and sister out. We said our goodbyes, prayers and well wishes all in our own time. Others had the opportunity to scatter some ashes in the water’s edge. Kevin will be remembered by all in many different ways and I am so grateful to have shared this experience with so many people close by. Soon after this had taken place Kevin’s colleagues showed off a trophy that they had raced for on the day. The UK office had put together a team to challenge the SA office and the prize was the Staessen Memorial Cup in Kevin’s honour. They have also decided that this will become an annual event in which they will participate.
So just as on the morning of the race when we said Good Bye or Farewell, I’m not going to say Good Bye, but Farewell for now my loved ones, remember that I have very little to regret and all because you were a part of my life that I will never forget.”
I could not have asked for this weekend to be any better. So many people have benefited from this experience in a healing and positive way. I have shown myself and others that despite the circumstances anything is possible! A positive attitude, self-discipline and ‘a reason’ will carry you along way. The choice was mine; I could let life get the better of me or I could get the better of my life…I chose the latter. I have achieved my goals and hope that I can continue to be an inspiration to those near and far.
“Don’t let the sadness of the past and your fear of the future ruin the happiness of your present”
Robyn, on behalf of the Ironman community I salute you and admire you. I am sure I speak for most when I say that you are an inspiration to us all and that both Kevin and little Erin are so, so proud of you for picking up the Baton and finishing 70.3 in Kevin’s honour. Your positive attitude and approach to life is a lesson to us all on what can be achieved and we are privileged to have witnessed your Journey and look forward to future Chapters. –Alec Riddle
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The Riddle of an Ironman's Life 