How I came close to Quitting 70.3

One would never normally talk about our own mental challenges or weaknesses, but truth be told we all have them, so I thought I would share mine in the hope it may help others facing similar demons in a race, enabling them to push onto the Finish Line. Most of us play down the negatives and openly talk about the positives, but I’ve decided to invite you into my mind, which shows that even very experienced Ironman athletes have to face up to the Fear of Failure, or the need to Surrender or Slow Down!

IronmanSA 70.3 in Buffalo City 2015 was one of the tougher races for many, due to the fairly extreme weather conditions, but for me that was just one contributing factor and I was having a terrible time overcoming my mental challenges too. The question was would I get to the Finish Line?

Feeling optimistic, taking in Nutrition as it is a long wait for the oldies to start

It all started in the final quarter of the 90km bike leg. I was starting to have doubts, doubts about many things…. Being able to catch the 5 guys in my AG who had passed me in the bike; Could I win or at worst still make the Podium; Could I still produce a respectable performance; But worst of all would I Finish?

Less than 5km to go and into the headwind up the final tough climb, I had compiled a whole Encyclopaedia of excuses and was on the verge of calling it a day. I had one of my best ever swims and had a 2 min lead in my AG, so the race started well, but the bike was simply not happening and I was passed by 5 guys before the turn point and losing time rapidly. I even wondered if my computer was lying to me as I was projecting a 3hr+ bike split and I knew my cycling had been strong coming into the race.

The morning started well….

I was starting to doubt myself and I was inviting too many negative thoughts into my brain, so the bad news was escalating. Think of your Brain as having two Factory Supervisors, Mr Be Good and Mr No Good and they need to recruit workers. If you feed yourself positive thoughts, Mr Be Good goes to work & recruits workers, while Mr No Good has to lay off workers. That’s in an ideal word, but when we are under pressure or facing extreme challenges doubts start to creep in and we allow Mr No Good to go to work, recruiting more workers while Mr Be Good is now laying off his workers. This leads to a dominant negative mindset and once the momentum swings it is very hard to reverse.

Some Background: I’m not mentioning this as an excuse (in fact half of the top 10 in our AG would have been struggling with down time from injuries so its part and parcel of our racing), but as a contributing factor to my mental challenges. You see I had hardly run in 3 months, due to a running injury and had only recently (Wednesday pre-race) been able to run 4km pain free. So my running, normally my strength was a weakness but I had also been told by respected individuals that if I feel my leg (injury) I should not try and run through the pain; that I could be putting my Ironman participation in jeopardy; that I could ruin my whole year. Yes, they all had my best interests at heart, but these ‘thoughts’ were haunting me in the closing stages of the bike and they presented me with a respectable ‘Out’! In addition I had only recently signed up to be coached by #TeamTissink once more and Raynard had mentioned that perhaps it is a bike injury and not a running injury, so more food for thought.

So back to the bike, my mind and the Encyclopaedia of excuses. My mind was telling me, or perhaps it was Mr No Good and his team, that this year I couldn’t rely on my running to try and catch the leaders; that I may fall apart on the run (I was already disintegrating on the bike); that I may have to walk due to a lack of running fitness; or worse still that I may do damage to a nagging injury, ensuring that my year would be over before it starts.

So not an ideal situation as not only was my race going pear shaped, my mind was wilting and I had the ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card handy, as I had the injury as a back- up. This was my personal ‘Iron War’ as Mr Be Good and Mr No Good fought for supremacy and Mr No Good was winning hands down.
I was fighting Mr No Good all the time as I rode along the beachfront, with fried legs that would surely not respond on the run. My first thought was of my Mother, visiting from the UK supporting me and watching me race for the first time in 25 years. I thought of my late Stepson Reece, who passed tragically in 2004 and was the catalyst to me getting fit again (I weighed a little more than a Ton back then). I thought of my late Dad and could sense him saying don’t be soft, get stuck in. I tried reciting Phillipians 4:13. I thought of my young son Jamie supporting from the sidelines and daughter Camryn at home, what example would I be setting to them? I thought of my wife Michelle, who supports unconditionally but makes many sacrifices enabling me to do what I do. I thought of my sponsors Isuzu, who pride themselves on durability and perseverance, how could I let the team down?
It was like I was being bullied in the school playground, being softened up by the weather, taking a few blows from my fellow competitors and being knocked to my knees by my own self-doubts. The question was do I stay down (on the canvas) or do I force myself to get up one more time? Fortunately I forced myself to choose the latter option, to face another blow or two… But at least this choice had a chance of success, the other was condemning myself to failure.

I was saying you can’t quit before the run starts, you have to start the run and then, sore or not, you can always say your leg is sore. Acceptable excuse right? No, because at this stage you are pre-empting and almost forcing a poor hand. You see in life and in a race, the deck of cards is dealt and you have to play with the hand you are dealt, to the best of your ability. You can’t add an Ace and you certainly don’t want to force a Joker because you’re having a bad day, or a mental mount down.

Then it came to me, I recall reading a story in one of Bill Hybels’ books, where it said if you are in a boat in the middle of a storm it is terrifying but if you extricate yourself from the storm and look down on it from a distance, it’s nowhere near as bad. So as I entered T2 and the final dice was about to be thrown, I decided to extricate myself from the ‘race’ and asked myself if this wasn’t a race could I run one kilometer? You know the answer and my mind was made up, I was going to ‘Get Started’ and try.

So onto the run I went and within a km or two Mr Be Good was becoming the dominant Supervisor once more, as I was relieved I was running, I was happy to be in the race, I was getting so much encouragement from the crowds and race announcers and I was chasing old foes Charles Naude, Manfred Reinhardt and Frank Smuts as best I could (leader James Welsh was way out front in a class of his own). I moved up from 6th or 7th to 4th but could make little, or no impression on Manfred and Frank. The legs slowed at about 15km, but the mind was still strong as I force fed my mind so many positives that Mr No Good was now redundant.

This was surely one of the toughest races of my life, physically yes but definitely mentally as going into a race with a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card plays games with your mind. I was very disappointed that I didn’t make the Podium, but happy for my good friend Frank who got 3rd after so many 4ths.

I was ecstatic that I had persevered and that I had overcome one of my biggest ‘Mental Battles’ ever and I hope that one or two of you reading this may win just such a battle one day. There was a silver lining to this battle within a battle, as a few hours later I went to the World Championship slot allocation and as the race winner elected not to go to Austria, I secured a roll down slot and have the opportunity to go and race in the World Championships in August.

Ironman World 70.3 Champs, Las Vegas 2011

More often than not we are all racing for the wrong things and I had never once given thought to the World 70.3 Championships during my ‘battle’, but what an incredible bonus. It will be an honor to race a World 70.3 Championship again and to be on the start line in the 55-59 AG with good friend Manfred Reinhardt in Austria.

One thing I am grateful for is that as a former Mathematics Teacher, I am able to count my Blessings.

YES, you Can, you Will, you Want to!!

Clearwater 2010

World Champs Race Report:

Amazing… the result, the experience, the journey, the feeling, the relief and I am so grateful to have had this opportunity; to be blessed with the talent to race in this league; to have such a great support base.

The week building up to the race was not a good one…. neck out, calf tight, bike problematic and Cytomax nutrition finished. If at home base, this would not be a problem, as a phone call or two to Garth at Action Cycles, Keith at The Wright Stuff, Russell the Chiropractor and Mike my masseur would ensure all resolved speedily.

The problem is when you are in a strange City, but I thought I had managed to get all resolved properly and here I must give special mention to the two Mike’s at City Cycle & Supply, who worked tirelessly on my bike.

I also attended the Iron Prayer service on Friday afternoon and was inspired by the two testimonials, one from PRO Heather Gollnick and little did I know how much I would benefit from their words in the heat of battle the following morning.

Race day alarm was set for 5AM, but I awoke at 01h30 and could not get back to sleep, an athlete’s worst nightmare. This is one of our biggest trials, as this is where the negativity can start, so I knew I had to keep force feeding my mind positive thoughts and not allowing my mind to dwell on the lack of sleep, the nervous energy being burned, the fatigue, etc.

Even though I was up so early, it still seemed as if everything was a blur, or a rush pre race at the transition area. I was in Wave 4, Wave 1 being male Pros, Wave 2 the female Pros and Wave 3 some female age groupers. I saw this as a huge positive as the Tent would be empty for Transition1, the roads relatively uncluttered and with Wave 5 being the 55yo+, I thought there would be no benefit for the slower guys to hitch a ride up to the front, with a stronger group (Clearwater is notorious for large drafting groups and I had not factored in the 30-34 year olds starting 10 min behind us in Wave 6)

The swim appeared relatively easy from the shore, as sea was very flat, but you swim out for about 800m, across and back and once you get beyond the Pier it was quite feisty. Unfortunately for me we were swimming clockwise with the  Bouys on our RHS and although I breathe predominantly to the left I can normally breathe both sides, but due to the shoulder it was too sore to breathe to the right, so I would have to rely on somebody else to navigate me through the swim.

The horn blasts and we are off, 88 of us racing into the surf and I hit the water in second place and started looking for feet and a navigator. My first choice was a bad one, as his nickname should be zig zag, so I decide to bridge about 10m to the guy ahead which proved to be a good decision and I followed him all the way to the first turn and was probably lying 3^rd in my age group and feeling good. Unfortunately we were swimming into the slower age groupers and I lost my ‘navigator’ so was trying to go it alone, but was losing my bearings, so spotted another purple cap (our wave colour) and jumped on his feet and followed him through to the beach. I was thrilled with my swim (exited 6^th) and the shoulder only fatigued the last 500m, although very sore most of the way, but we learn to handle the pain.

My Transition was terrible and took 4 minutes plus, with me losing 4 positions in transition, but once out onto the bike (10^th) I knew I had really good legs and one thing Heather had said at Iron Prayer was continuously express your gratitude for any positives, so I kept on speaking to myself, saying how grateful I was for the smooth swim start, the good swim finish, the great legs on the bike and you feed off these positives.

I got another timely booster when the guy I had identified as the favourite in our age category, Dave Maves came past me about 10km into the bike…. Wow I thought to myself, I must have swam well, this guy had swum 25 minutes at 70.3 Augusta en route to a sub 4hr 20min victory and I had beaten him out of the water. I decided to monitor this guy and was hoping to start running ahead of him, as he is a brilliant runner.

Another positive was that after 20km I had passed 9 guys in my age group and had only been passed by two and I was feeling very comfortable and in the top three, focusing on my nutrition all the while. Caught up to a pace line of lady age groupers, but I went straight on by and thank goodness I did as apparently two of the eight ladies got ‘red’ cards for drafting, which means a 4 minute time penalty. So I thought maybe they have the drafting under control this year, as was riding virtually solo all the way to the turnaround.

The 40km mark was reached in 65 minutes, a bit disappointing timewise, but the first half is tougher, due to the gradual climbs and twists and turns through the City and the wind was a cross wind (in PE we would call it a gentle breeze but it does impact your performance). I decided not to focus on time/pace but rather concentrate on the fact I was 3^rd to the turn, with another contender Brian Peaker passing me at this point and relegating me to 4^th on the road.

About 2km after the turn, a glance across to the other side almost gave me a heart attack, when I saw a Tour De France like Peleton about 50 strong. I put two and two together and realized the 30 year olds were driving a high powered BUS and more than likely a number of 50 year olds would have jumped on for a free ride, saving their legs for the run. (this was taking drafting to the limit). I was like a raging inferno inside, looking for some marshalls, when I thought of Heather’s words the day before. She said it’s important to realize that we cannot do these races on our own power and that we are not in control, the same verse (the knowledge that we are not in control should bring calm and peace) Davera Magson had set me the day before the race.

I tried to tell myself to calm down, to relax and said I have no control over what happens behind me, I am not in control of the outcome of this race and that I should focus on my efforts only and of giving my best throughout…. It was Amazing, it was as if everything changed and I was at peace, focusing on my ride, my nutrition, keeping Brian and Dave in my sights and I was, to be honest, feeling very comfortable.

On the way back we were on the freeway, it was kinda eery and lonely, three lanes and only two guys up ahead and nobody visible for miles behind. I was rolling along at 40-43 km/hr and calculating that I would do just over 2hr 20 for the bike, which would be very good for me. I was already thinking ahead to the run, getting off the bike 4^th… the leader who was far gone was big and bulky and I thought he would come back to the field on the run, Brian looked a little big to run well and his times did not scare me, so I was thinking I’m definitely in the hunt for a medal and if Dave fluffed his lines, anything was possible.

Then we had less than10km to go and I peaked back to see an enormous group about a minute back and I thought surely not, they had closed about 6 minutes and were coming at a rate of knots. About 5km to go they made the catch and I felt as despondent as a cyclist in a Tour De France breakaway, being nailed in the final stages. I counted eight or nine, yes 8 or 9 fifty year olds in the bunch and I went numb…. I mean here I was having the race of my life, almost assured of a medal and now there were 8 or 9 new contenders, many of whom would have fresher legs, as they would have caught a free ride with the youngsters, how does this happen in a World Championships?

My next quandary was what do I do now, do you jump on the back of the Bus, but then you are no better than these ‘cheats’ and the last thing I wanted now was a time penalty, so I elected to let them go and was relieved a little further down the road, to see Dave Maves do the same, but you can imagine my added frustration to find I had lost close to a minute to that bunch over the final 5km and had to exit T2 in 12^th position.

There was a momentarily lapse on the mental side when I almost threw in the towel, not quitting but giving up on the dream of a podium place. I felt I had been robbed and was feeling sorry for myself in Transition, like there was no way back. Iron Prayer to the rescue and I thought of the testimonials of the day before and the fact that it is never over till it’s over, so shot out of transition in determined mood, thinking well maybe top five is still a possibility.

The next 3 min 42 seconds almost destroyed my race, as the adrenalin was flowing and I was angry but fortunately my buzzer on my Garmin went off and I looked down to see 1km in 3:42 and I thought… hey slow down, you have another 20km to try and catch these guys. So I settled into a 4:08-12 pace and was feeling awesome and I was passing 50 year olds left, right and centre.

I hit the halfway mark in about 44 minutes and heard I was 3^rd or 4^th and the dream was well and truly alive, as I still had energy to burn and was expecting to go faster on second half. Man was I excited, all the anxiety of what to do after the broken collar bone, all the training, all the travelling, the support, the concern… could I achieve what a month back was seemingly impossible? I even started thinking of second place, as Dave Maves had literally flown off into the distance.

Just before the 15km mark and running hard on the downhill, my calf went ‘ouch’, anyone with a history of calf injuries knows it is invariably the muscle going into spasm and tightening and you need to stop or get badly injured. Stopping was not an option, treating it with ice at the aid stations was and nursing it was, so I had to decline the race for silver and focus on defending my position, at this stage third.

My pace slowed drastically as I worked my way to the next aid station and stopped for ice, at which stage Brian Peaker was back in the picture, together with another 50 year old and suddenly it was a fight for 3^rd, 4^th and 5^th. At the 5km to go mark I was 25 seconds behind the guy in the ‘Trek’ uniform and I thought ok 5 secs/km was all I needed, do not rush it, you will win the sprint.

It was working and my calf was holding (got ice again twice which helped), but then Brian came past up the bridge and I was 5^th… I could not run the hill strongly so dropped 5, 10, 20m and I felt like crying, I had so much energy left, the pain from the calf was intense, but that I could still take, the question was how hard could I push it. Down the other side, I reconnected to Brian and the ‘Trek’ guy was now only 25 m ahead… 2km to go, come on Alec, please calf hold on, we can do this thing.

At the mile to go mark, there was Jamie saying come on Dad you can do it Dad, fight as though your life depends upon it…. How could I buckle now, so I decided to up the ante and managed to get a gap on Brian, as the last thing I wanted was a sprint with this calf. I reached the circle, probably 6-700m to go and I was starting to think it could be happening, almost rejoicing and then a whirl of activity, a roar from the crowd and to my horror the Yanks were encouraging Brian in his final assault on the bronze medal.

Brian and I were now stride for stride, dodging slower runners and my calf was on fire, I glanced heavenwards and said a small Prayer and dug as deep as I could… 400m later he was not going away and my calf was crying out for levity… only 200m to go and I remember saying ‘Alec it’s win this sprint or Hospital you are not quitting now’ and then I gave it one last kick and I heard the cotton snap…. He was gone, relief and I was able to slow a tad and enjoy the final 100m, what a thrill, what a relief I had made my goal of a Podium finish.

Clearwater finish

This was not Kona, true, but it was as good as anything I’d anticipated or expected and after all of the trials and tribulations, I can only say God is good, it’s been an incredible journey and as Eric Liddell says………

“ In the dust of defeat as well as in the laurels of victory, there is a glory to be found if one has done his best!” So it’s not about the winning, it’s about giving of your best and never giving up. Those who challenge themselves often and experiences the most, is the winner.

Latest on Collar Bone:

Well the news is not good, the Collar Bone seems to have stood up to the race, but is now well and truly stuffed. Pain seems to be an everyday occurrence for me, anyway I got a sling from the Chemist in Clearwater, plus some painkillers, which helped for the flight to the UK. Now, I’m off to the Hospital for X Rays and I really hope it’s my imagination and not reality, as I need a break from all these obstacles.

Friends & Family

Thanks to family and friends and to all those who supported me on this venture.