One would never normally talk about our own mental challenges or weaknesses, but truth be told we all have them, so I thought I would share mine in the hope it may help others facing similar demons in a race, enabling them to push onto the Finish Line. Most of us play down the negatives and openly talk about the positives, but I’ve decided to invite you into my mind, which shows that even very experienced Ironman athletes have to face up to the Fear of Failure, or the need to Surrender or Slow Down!
IronmanSA 70.3 in Buffalo City 2015 was one of the tougher races for many, due to the fairly extreme weather conditions, but for me that was just one contributing factor and I was having a terrible time overcoming my mental challenges too. The question was would I get to the Finish Line?
Feeling optimistic, taking in Nutrition as it is a long wait for the oldies to start
It all started in the final quarter of the 90km bike leg. I was starting to have doubts, doubts about many things…. Being able to catch the 5 guys in my AG who had passed me in the bike; Could I win or at worst still make the Podium; Could I still produce a respectable performance; But worst of all would I Finish?
Less than 5km to go and into the headwind up the final tough climb, I had compiled a whole Encyclopaedia of excuses and was on the verge of calling it a day. I had one of my best ever swims and had a 2 min lead in my AG, so the race started well, but the bike was simply not happening and I was passed by 5 guys before the turn point and losing time rapidly. I even wondered if my computer was lying to me as I was projecting a 3hr+ bike split and I knew my cycling had been strong coming into the race.
The morning started well….
I was starting to doubt myself and I was inviting too many negative thoughts into my brain, so the bad news was escalating. Think of your Brain as having two Factory Supervisors, Mr Be Good and Mr No Good and they need to recruit workers. If you feed yourself positive thoughts, Mr Be Good goes to work & recruits workers, while Mr No Good has to lay off workers. That’s in an ideal word, but when we are under pressure or facing extreme challenges doubts start to creep in and we allow Mr No Good to go to work, recruiting more workers while Mr Be Good is now laying off his workers. This leads to a dominant negative mindset and once the momentum swings it is very hard to reverse.
Some Background: I’m not mentioning this as an excuse (in fact half of the top 10 in our AG would have been struggling with down time from injuries so its part and parcel of our racing), but as a contributing factor to my mental challenges. You see I had hardly run in 3 months, due to a running injury and had only recently (Wednesday pre-race) been able to run 4km pain free. So my running, normally my strength was a weakness but I had also been told by respected individuals that if I feel my leg (injury) I should not try and run through the pain; that I could be putting my Ironman participation in jeopardy; that I could ruin my whole year. Yes, they all had my best interests at heart, but these ‘thoughts’ were haunting me in the closing stages of the bike and they presented me with a respectable ‘Out’! In addition I had only recently signed up to be coached by #TeamTissink once more and Raynard had mentioned that perhaps it is a bike injury and not a running injury, so more food for thought.
So back to the bike, my mind and the Encyclopaedia of excuses. My mind was telling me, or perhaps it was Mr No Good and his team, that this year I couldn’t rely on my running to try and catch the leaders; that I may fall apart on the run (I was already disintegrating on the bike); that I may have to walk due to a lack of running fitness; or worse still that I may do damage to a nagging injury, ensuring that my year would be over before it starts.
So not an ideal situation as not only was my race going pear shaped, my mind was wilting and I had the ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card handy, as I had the injury as a back- up. This was my personal ‘Iron War’ as Mr Be Good and Mr No Good fought for supremacy and Mr No Good was winning hands down.
I was fighting Mr No Good all the time as I rode along the beachfront, with fried legs that would surely not respond on the run. My first thought was of my Mother, visiting from the UK supporting me and watching me race for the first time in 25 years. I thought of my late Stepson Reece, who passed tragically in 2004 and was the catalyst to me getting fit again (I weighed a little more than a Ton back then). I thought of my late Dad and could sense him saying don’t be soft, get stuck in. I tried reciting Phillipians 4:13. I thought of my young son Jamie supporting from the sidelines and daughter Camryn at home, what example would I be setting to them? I thought of my wife Michelle, who supports unconditionally but makes many sacrifices enabling me to do what I do. I thought of my sponsors Isuzu, who pride themselves on durability and perseverance, how could I let the team down?
It was like I was being bullied in the school playground, being softened up by the weather, taking a few blows from my fellow competitors and being knocked to my knees by my own self-doubts. The question was do I stay down (on the canvas) or do I force myself to get up one more time? Fortunately I forced myself to choose the latter option, to face another blow or two… But at least this choice had a chance of success, the other was condemning myself to failure.
I was saying you can’t quit before the run starts, you have to start the run and then, sore or not, you can always say your leg is sore. Acceptable excuse right? No, because at this stage you are pre-empting and almost forcing a poor hand. You see in life and in a race, the deck of cards is dealt and you have to play with the hand you are dealt, to the best of your ability. You can’t add an Ace and you certainly don’t want to force a Joker because you’re having a bad day, or a mental mount down.
Then it came to me, I recall reading a story in one of Bill Hybels’ books, where it said if you are in a boat in the middle of a storm it is terrifying but if you extricate yourself from the storm and look down on it from a distance, it’s nowhere near as bad. So as I entered T2 and the final dice was about to be thrown, I decided to extricate myself from the ‘race’ and asked myself if this wasn’t a race could I run one kilometer? You know the answer and my mind was made up, I was going to ‘Get Started’ and try.
So onto the run I went and within a km or two Mr Be Good was becoming the dominant Supervisor once more, as I was relieved I was running, I was happy to be in the race, I was getting so much encouragement from the crowds and race announcers and I was chasing old foes Charles Naude, Manfred Reinhardt and Frank Smuts as best I could (leader James Welsh was way out front in a class of his own). I moved up from 6th or 7th to 4th but could make little, or no impression on Manfred and Frank. The legs slowed at about 15km, but the mind was still strong as I force fed my mind so many positives that Mr No Good was now redundant.
This was surely one of the toughest races of my life, physically yes but definitely mentally as going into a race with a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card plays games with your mind. I was very disappointed that I didn’t make the Podium, but happy for my good friend Frank who got 3rd after so many 4ths.
I was ecstatic that I had persevered and that I had overcome one of my biggest ‘Mental Battles’ ever and I hope that one or two of you reading this may win just such a battle one day. There was a silver lining to this battle within a battle, as a few hours later I went to the World Championship slot allocation and as the race winner elected not to go to Austria, I secured a roll down slot and have the opportunity to go and race in the World Championships in August.
Ironman World 70.3 Champs, Las Vegas 2011
More often than not we are all racing for the wrong things and I had never once given thought to the World 70.3 Championships during my ‘battle’, but what an incredible bonus. It will be an honor to race a World 70.3 Championship again and to be on the start line in the 55-59 AG with good friend Manfred Reinhardt in Austria.
One thing I am grateful for is that as a former Mathematics Teacher, I am able to count my Blessings.
YES, you Can, you Will, you Want to!!
The Riddle of an Ironman's Life 